Keeping Your Relationship With Social Media Positive

We often have a great time when we connect with friends and using Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook and other social media can be a great way to keep on top of our activities and coordinate your busy schedule. But while using social media can make us feel included and on top of our game, it can also be a source of stress, anxiety and lowered self-esteem. So, how do we balance our social media use so that we stay connected, while avoiding all the negative feelings that can crop up? Insights from psychology can help us find that balance.

First, it's important to be mindful about how social media works. Psychological research has identified a relationship between social media use and increased "internalizing symptoms" such as anxiety, depression and loneliness. It's been suggested that much of this is due to the upward social comparison that happens in the online world. Think about what is shared social media- the highlights of our lives and the moments we're excited about, uploading Instagram photos that make us look fabulous. But our idea of our selves is more balanced than that. We're aware of those shiny moments sure, but we’re also aware that those shorts from last year no longer fit, or that we said something ridiculous to our crush yesterday. Comparing our “real selves” to the curated versions of others is not fair play and we can’t

possibly measure up. So, when we catch ourselves comparing our lives to the depiction of an online acquaintance, we should log off, or at the very least take a deep breath and remind

ourselves that online personas are not real.

Next up, recognize and work with our attachment systems to conquer Fear of Missing Out (FOMO). As human beings, we’re wired to attach to others. We’re meant to stick together for survival, so over time we’ve learned to be vigilant in moments where this social glue is less, well, sticky. In moments when it’s threatened, our attachment systems kick into high gear and flood us with anxiety to alert us to this “danger.”How does that relate to social media, you ask? Social media plays on our attachment systems and makes our social networks wider. We’re not just watching our small clan, we’re watching a vast group of individuals that are

sometimes only acquaintances. Many of us have experienced the nagging sense that without watching our social media feed, we’ll miss something that the rest of our social network knows about. That’s FOMO. Studies have confirmed that FOMO is a major driver for social

media use; it keeps us coming back for more, even when that’s not necessarily a good thing.

To combat this, remind yourself that your attachment system is being triggered and that such a big group is too demanding to monitor. Cut yourself some slack for that. Next, try being the gatekeeper of your own time. Set aside a time to go phone-free, or a specific

time for checking in on social media. Keep a diary of how you feel at these different times. You may notice that your mood shifts from that nervous tension that is FOMO to something

less anxious and more content within a short period of time. Engaging socially in real life can help too (it’s easier to not feel envious of what other people are doing when you’re doing stuff that’s equally as fun). Finding ways to connect with others and staying mentally present in those moments can engage your attachment system in healthy ways, kicking FOMO to the

curb.

Overall, social media can benefit our efforts to stay connected; but let’s be mindful of how we use it so we can keep our negative feelings at bay and enjoy this summer and beyond.