Stamp Out Social Anxiety

Social Anxiety is mean. It wants us to believe that there is something innately wrong with us. It convinces us that we will be rejected and occupies our headspace across all the timelines.

When we think back to the past social anxiety filters our perception of those experiences drawing our attention to every potential misstep (did I say the wrong thing; I totally wore the wrong outfit) sometimes even convincing us to apologize for things no one noticed.

In the present moment it's the uninvited wingman telling us to avoid contributing to conversations. This makes it harder to build connections, enjoy the moment or even to just pay attention to what is happening in social interactions (ouf were you talking to me?) because we're so preoccupied.

When we think about future plans it's there to make us change 20 times, go over and over what we'll say or decide we're better off canceling.

It's awful! So how do we tackle this uninvited guest in our head and show it the exit? Here are a few tricks from psychology that can help...

1. Give yourself a role. Yes, get your drama on. If your character is in question, then try being someone else. Who can you think of from a movie, RPG, show, channel, podcast that would handle this social interaction like a champ? Ask yourself what would they feel and do and say, then aim for that. This works on two levels... First, it helps us change our behaviour and this means we receive different feedback and start to loosen up those negative predictions (no rejection here) and second, it keeps us distracted.. you can't be focused on something scary if you're too busy acting to even think about it.
   

2. Give yourself a job. A little scaffolding to hang your social hat on won't do any harm. It will keep you distracted and give you something to lean on when you feel a pesky worry pop up. So try taking coats or passing appies at the party or volunteer to take minutes at the next meeting.
   

3. Focus that attention outward. The goal is to think less about how you're being perceived, so amp up your focus on how you're perceiving others instead. Do you like them? Are they a total weirdo? Ask them lots of questions, be super curious. See if you can find out about the best trip they've ever had or even better, the worst date. Need more? Play rude moments bingo. Make yourself a list of five social faux pas topics and pay attention for them at the next social gathering. Have a friend do it with you. See who hears those 5 first.